


I don't love you.

by rorybutnotgilmore



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Kidnapping, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Partner Betrayal, Post-Break Up, Protective Tony Stark, Protectiveness, Rescue, Rescue Missions, The Avengers Are Good Bros, thanos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorybutnotgilmore/pseuds/rorybutnotgilmore
Summary: Loki loves you, but the feeling is one-sided. Or is it?
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. I don't love you.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance.

“I love you!” Loki yells, pleading, following after you, whos walking away from him down the street. Away from him. His love, leaving him.

”Lying isn’t a good look on you, contrary to what everyone seems to think,” you whip around, eyes sad and pitying, “Do you remember when I loved you?”

”No,” He mumbles, going with the logical answer, seeing as you’d never said the words before, his gaze hard yet soft, begging you to change your mind.

You pause, gaze unfaltering, before replying.

”Good. Because I never did.”

“You did. I know that you did. I love you! I need you! I can’t live without you,” Your name comes out breathy and heart wrenching, “I-“

“Was it love at first sight?” You ask, tilting your head in mock confusion, “Because whoever told you that is a filthy liar. Love at first sight doesn’t exist. You don’t love me. You can’t.” You take steps towards him now, until eventually you stand in front of him, Loki resisting the urge to reach out and grab you, holding you close, knowing that if he let go, you would disappear and he would probably never see you again.

”You’re an example that it is real. I love you, darling. Why does that not render with you?” Loki gasps, his heart pounding in fear of rejection, his usually calm demeanor forgotten.

Suddenly, you slap him, hard, and then grab his face, pressing you lips to his. He responds immediately, his cheek hot and burning under your palm, which is over the mark now.

He wishes the kiss would go on forever, but you lets go, pushing him away.

”Goodbye, Loki.” you murmur, “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but you will always mean something to me.”

”Why?” Loki chokes out. He’s shaking, trembling, his eyes watering. He finally found someone, someone who he thought loved him, and now you’re leaving. His chest heaves and he wants nothing more then for it all to have been a dream. It’s too vivid, however.

You just look at him, nonspeaking, gaze soft. Maybe you hadn’t heard him.

”This is a bad idea.”

”You’re a fool, trying to mull this all over. I know you, are you sick? Perhaps you need medical attention..” He reaches out to feel your head for a temperature, but you smack his hand away.

”Don’t touch me! I told you, I don’t love you, Loki!” You yell firmly, desperately.

”You’re sending mixed signals, you know? Kissing me, looking at me so adoringly! You can’t just leave, not after everything we’ve been through!” He meets your voice with just as much force and passion.

”Loki, I know what heartbreak feels like, and I’m sorry. But I can’t be with you. It’s a lot more complicated then you’d think.”

”Enlighten me,” he sneers, “Tell me all about the reasons behind why you compress everything that has happened between us. All of the intimate things we’ve done together that suddenly mean nothing. Explain that to me, why don’t you?” In his frenzy of emotions, he hadn’t noticed the tears falling from his own eyes, let alone from your mesmerizing eyes.

“Why do you love me?” you ask, tears trickling down your cheeks, illuminated under the streetlight.

“I- What?” Loki is bewildered by your sudden softness.

”Exactly. Am I a trophy? A relic? A toy? Tell me that, and maybe I’ll stay. You only seem to see me as a place taker. I fill the empty space in your cold heart, don’t I? Because you think no one will ever love you, so convincing me that I love you makes you feel so much better. Am I correct?” You step closer, eyes dark, searching.

”No one will ever love me. You’ve proven that. You were the only one,” He murmurs. His gaze is directed down at his feet, a surprising act, considering he should want to ingrain your face into his memory in these last few moments.

“You’ll find someone. I just don’t think it’s me. I truly want you to be happy, and if you want the same for me, you’ll stop trying to guilt me into staying,” you sigh.

”I’m sorry,” He whispers, eyes wide again and tear-filled, “I do love you, so much.”

”No,” you shake your head, “You do not love me.”

”My love, I-“

”Goodbye. For real. Good luck, Loki. I really want you to be happy, just not with me,” You say, turning again, and walking away.

Loki doesn’t think he’s ever felt his heart shatter so literally, and falls to his knees, sobs falling from his lips, the lips he longs to feel yours against.

Your footsteps die out in the distance, leaving Loki behind.

And to his shock and pain, you don’t turn around.

Maybe he deserves it, being abandoned. After all, it’s not the first time it’s happened, is it?


	2. Or do I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki loves you, but the feeling is one-sided. Or is it?

You know you hurt him, but frankly, you’re just as hurt. You lied to him, you did love him. Sure, you’d never said the words, but twisting your intentions so horrifically, the only reason being to hurt him? What have you done?

The logical thing.

Yes, Loki doesn’t know the reason behind your sudden change of heart towards him, the poor guy, but instead, he just thinks you hate him. Nothing more, no explanation needed, you clearly aren’t coming back.

You wish you could, but you can’t. You truly can’t.

What Loki doesn’t know, is that Thanos had done what Loki feared: He’d tracked you down. Not only that, but he’d also threatened you, telling you that you needed to hurt Loki, and if you didn’t, blood would be spilled.

Not Loki’s blood, necessarily.

Everyone you’re close to instead, ending with Loki. Loki is too important in Thanos plans to kill first.

It had sounded more like a promise then a threat.

You acted off since then and you know he’d noticed, but he never decided to press. So you faked it and eventually made it.

The ache is so prominent in your chest, however, that when you get back to your room in the Avengers Tower, you break down. Tears splash against the floor and your shirt. You never wanted what had just happened to happen, but you can’t just go see Loki. Not now anyway. Thanos wanted him to be vulnerable so he could easily control him, and that’s exactly what Loki is right now.

You shoot up from your place on your bed with a start at the sound of a knock on the door.

Loki? No. He’d know better.

Drying your face and eyes, you get up, walking to the door and opening it. Nope, not Loki. Tony stands there instead, his arms crossed. Oh, dear.

“Whoa, what on earth happened to you?” He asks, dropping his arms, and you turn, rolling your bloodshot eyes.

“What do you want, Stark?” You mutter, your voice unnaturally raspy from your sobbing and earlier yelling.

“Nothing, JARVIS just told me you were crying. You were loud too, stomping your way up here. Thought I’d make sure nothing happened. I swear, if it was that—“

“No, no, it wasn’t him. I mean, it was, but it’s my fault,” you sigh, sitting on the edge of your bed. The picture of you and Loki which sits on your bedside table seems to be laughing at you, rubbing in the fact that you’d just broke your own heart and your lovers heart. Ex lover, now.

When Tony doesn’t reply, you look up. He has an eyebrow raised, signalling you to continue.

You think that a logical thing to do would be to answer him accurately, explaining the entire situation, but stop yourself before you can. Thanos would kill him if you did. You imagine Thanos will kill you anyway.

Tony says your name, a reminder that you’re still here, dragging you back to the real world.

You really need help, no more denying, so you tell Tony everything. When you’re done he looks angry. Angry at you? Possibly. But then he speaks: “Why didn’t you tell us from the start? We could have—“

“No. Thanos isn’t like the other villains. He’s stronger. He knows what he’s doing.”

“So you just—“

“Did what he wanted? Yes, stupidly, but it’s over. I did it. It hurts,” Your sentence trails off, and tears fill your eyes, a reminder that Loki isn’t going to comfort you.

Tony sighs, “I need to tell the rest of the team.” When you open your mouth to protest, he continues, “We can fix this.”

Hesitantly, you nod.

~~~~~~~~~~

After the team is filled in, they begin coming up with a plan. You’re exhausted, both emotionally and physically, but you feel so empty and numb inside that sleep doesn’t seem to want to come. So you sit there, zoned out.

“Okay?” Steve asks, and you look up. Everyone is looking at you. Everyone but Loki and Thor, that is. You assume they’re both out for the night, and the thought of Thor comforting his little brother does bring the ghost of a smile to your face.

“I’m sorry, what?” You ask.

Steve sighs, “We have a plan.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone told you to sleep. That was fair. You’re tired.

Although you don’t sleep. You try, but sleep doesn’t seem to want to come.

Eventually, it starts to come. You feel yourself loosing consciousness, until a creak in the floor catches your attention. Probably just someone else walking around outside or upstairs, you assume, pulling your blankets snugger around you as a safety precaution anyway.

Wrong.

You try to scream as a hand clad in a cloth clamps over your mouth, but in your sleepy state, lose consciousness too quickly.

When you awaken, you’re in a dirty room and your senses are all fuzzy.

In the movies, you’d simply call out, hello, and someone would answer. But thinking about real life, you opt out of that, deciding to quietly search for a way out instead.

Your head is so fuzzy though, and as soon as you stand, you fall back down, a loud crash and crack echoing throughout the room.

The crash was the impact, which was directed on your left arm.

The crack came from your left arm.

You want to scream, so you bite down hard on your tongue to stop it from escaping. The metallic tang from blood fills your mouth.

Groaning quietly, you crawl over, avoiding pressure on your broken arm, and lean against the wall nearest to you. It hurts a whole lot, but you can’t help thinking it’s karma for what you did to Loki.

Oh, Loki.

You miss him, and want nothing more then for him to engulf you into his strong embrace now, as cheesy as that might seem.

In your state of pain and numbness, the sounds of punches being thrown and guns going off doesn’t render.

It only does when someone walks up to you. Your head is heavy and you recognize expensive looking boots. The person crouches down and lifts your chin. You’re face to face with Loki.

He looks gorgeous, even with his hair tousled and eyes still red from crying. You know you’ve been here a while, but you’re both still so upset. His lips pull into an tight smile, and he reaches out to pick you up.

When you cry out in distress and pain, he adjusts his arms, whispering something in an unknown language that numbs the pain a bit.

“You can rest, my dear, Tony told me everything. I’m going to take you back to the tower. From there Dr. Banner will heal you. You’ll feel much better when you awaken,” His voice sounds foggy, and you close your eyes to sleep properly, unlike before. Even if it was only a few hours, his voice is a relief to hear, and relaxes you further in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~

He’s right.

When you wake up, you feel a lot less dizzy and your arm hurts a lot less. It’s in a cast, but overall, you aren’t in as much pain.

It does startle you, however, when you turn and come face to face with Loki, who’s sitting in a chair beside the cot.

“How do you feel?” He asks, eyebrows knitting together. Of course, always putting you first, neglecting to remember the horrible things you put him through.

“I’m okay, but, Loki, I-“ You try to apologize, but he cuts you off.

“I understand,” He still looks tense and a little bit sick. Probably from the thought of Thanos taking him and making him do whatever he wanted to.

“Nothing I said was real. I promise. I’m sorry I never said.. you know. I’m just,” You sniffle, heart beating rather quickly in an uncomfortable way.

“I understand. I was just as skeptical to tell you that I loved you. Take your time. Unless,” Loki trails off, but you understand his question.

“Yes. Yes, I still want to be with you. Don’t forget what I did though, it’s not fair. I hurt you, and you deserve to have the right to leave me. Some dirt on me.”

“And you have the right to leave me,” He adds, insecurities seeping through.

“I won’t. And Loki,” You pause, taking a breath, “I love you too.”

And with that, you pull him into a much needed kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)


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